


Nescio,Ergo Sum

by Donotquestionme



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, half life but the ai is self aware
Genre: Dialogue-Only, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:28:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25323916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donotquestionme/pseuds/Donotquestionme
Summary: Super short, dialogue only fic of Gordon and Dr.Coomer having a heart to heart about the nature of free will after Gordon becomes aware that he is not only a video game character, but the Player Character, and therefore controlled by The Player.
Relationships: Dr. Coomer & Gordon Freeman
Comments: 2
Kudos: 40





	Nescio,Ergo Sum

“You don’t get it at all! I’m not like you! Sure you’re not ‘real’ either but at least you’re… _you!_ I’m just…someone else’s stand in body. A mask for someone else to wear so they can…can play through a game! I’m less than not real! I’m nothing! How can I go on knowing nothing I do is really my own decision?”

“Gordon, I think you’ve stumbled upon a question that humanity has asked itself for a very long time.”

“What? ‘How do I deal with being a player character in a video game’??”

“’Do I have free will?’”

“Oh.”

“You said that I’m ‘me’, Gordon. Whereas you’re controlled by someone else. But I’m a batch of code, aren’t I? And someone wrote that, didn’t they? I’m a series of if-thens written out by someone at a desk somewhere. A set of reactions to different situations. Even if, it seems, those reactions can get a little…switched around. Heh.”

“You don’t say…”

“My point is that I see myself making choices the same way you saw yourself as making choices. But, if we consider ‘me’ to be my code, then those reactions and choices were all already written out. So, by your logic, I didn’t choose anything either.”

“So, what? Neither of us have any free will?”

“So, both of us have some force outside of what we consider to be ourselves that influences our decisions. But, do you know who else does, too?”

“Uh…Bubby and Tommy?”

“No. Well…yes, but that’s not what I was going for. I meant: all of humanity. Certain reactions are more or less ‘coded’ into humans both through evolution and experiences. If someone is predisposed towards certain decisions because of their nature and nurture, can they have been said to have really made a choice? Or simply followed the inevitable predetermined path the universe has been set on since its inception?”

“I…I don’t…I don’t know. But it’s not really the same. Sure anyone can wonder about the concept of destiny but I literally know the person who’s been making decisions for me. It’s not like a bunch of random reactions. It’s decided on purpose!”

“Gordon, have you ever heard about the artificial intelligence program that was tasked with sorting a list of objects as quickly as possible?”

“Uh…no.”

“There was a test to see how well an artificial intelligence could learn to create a list sorting algorithm. It was given an array of hundreds of items and given the task of making it so that none of the items were out of order. Do you know what it did?”

“…Put the items in order?”

“It deleted every item!”

“What?! It just…didn’t do what they asked?”

“On the contrary! It did exactly what they asked! In one step, no item in the entire list was out of order anymore, because the list had no items in it at all! It finished the task in the fastest and most efficient way possible,just as the programmers had coded it to do, and yet got a completely different result than any of the programmers had expected or wanted! My point is, Gordon, that, even if things are all decided already, by some outside force, be it code, or a player, or nature, there’s always some wiggle room. There’s always things we can’t expect or predict. Human or AI, we exist as the collection of what we can perceive and understand. And as long as we can never truly see the whole picture, how we choose to perceive the pieces we can is, if only due to an inability to understand it as anything else, free will.”

“Huh…that was…unexpectedly profound, Dr.Coomer.”

“……..Hello, Gordon!”

“Heh. Hello, Dr.Coomer.”

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this on my tumblr first but wanted to share it here as well. The title(hopefully) approximately translates to "I don't know/I don't understand, therefore I am", which is a play on the phrase "Cognito,ergo sum" or "I think, therefore I am".
> 
> You can find more in depth explanation of my ideas on Gordon and his relationship to "The Player" and "The Game" on my tumblr :
> 
> (https://deluxetrashqueen.tumblr.com/post/621881841617666048/ive-mentioned-the-concept-of-the-player)  
> (https://deluxetrashqueen.tumblr.com/post/619526422318465024/ive-seen-like-angsty-headcanonsaus-for-hlvrai)  
> (https://deluxetrashqueen.tumblr.com/post/623848570230095872/ai-gordon-headcanons)


End file.
